Just because he turns you on, doesn’t mean you have to go for it

Being turned on by someone is not always a clear indicator that it’s a green light. There are actually many times we will feel turned on (ie. yoni tingles, shiver up the spine, heat in the belly, fantasies about all night sex-capades, hearing wedding bells ringing and babies crying) and it may be a caution signal to run in the oppostie direction, rather than to get naked and frisky. 


Our body is our compass and will show us the way home, yes. The universe, sometimes known as “The Trickster,” will also test and tease us when in the midst of upleveling, transition and evolution to see how much of our entire selves we are integrating. 


I know you crave a deeper connection than good sex. If you are anything like me, and the thousands of sisters I have the honor of connecting with, you crave heart, soul, mind, body blown open yum yum alignment with ALL of you!. Am I right? 


Let me ask you this, have you settled before? 


Well then, the universe is most likely testing you and asking, “Are you going to settle again?”


If you take the bait, you will clearly need some more roadblocks, in the form of tests, before you get to your dream destination.


If you can see through the test, pat yourself on the ass and proclaim from the rooftops “TAKE THAT UNIVERSE, I PASSED THE TEST!” Now you get that giddy feeling, that deeper turn on of your soul churning with pride and excitement that you are one giant leap closer to aligning with your truest desires. 


Sometimes, turn on means he has a key for you. Your body will spark when you meet someone who matches your wounds or soul’s evolution in some way (any way really). Your yoni will let you know that she is sensing something that you need to pay attention to. If your senses are attuned to pleasure, then this is how she will alert you. 


They may have a message or a healing for you. He may connect you with your next business venture or introduce you to the band that welcomes your rare trombone talents or opens your mind to a new idea or entices the muse out of you to write poetry that has been on your heart for many more moons than you can remember. He may make you feel alive, sexy and wise. He may remind you of your ex (this is the most common) and offer you a code to heal that past relationship in a really loving way. This especially shows up if you didn’t have proper closure with any of your previous partners. It also shows up when we are holding some of our ex inside of us. The next in line shows up quickly showing characteristics of your last partner with a touch of the stuff you wish you ex would have done. For example, the new guy is similar to your ex but speaks the same love language as you, shows up on time engaged and present, loves vegan cafes and yoga classes as much as you do or has a taste for adventure and pushing your edges in just the right places.


There are plenty of ways to engage deeply and intimately and not sexually. Yes, it’s true and it is its own art. Learning the art of opening while remaining healthy and discerning boundaries is possible, empowering and liberating! It’s especially challenging when there is a sexual charge felt by both.


I remember when I first got to islands, I LOVED ecstatic dance, it was my medicine in every way! I was in between relationships and practicing celibacy as a chance to up-level and totally heal the past bond. My beautiful man friend was always in awe of my ability to open fully, dance wildly with everyone, make love on the dance floor then step off the dance floor, close my energy field and go about my way. He used to call me the “most prude wild woman he ever met,” and it was a great compliment to my mastering this art of opening with healthy boundaries. 


Is it karmic or dharmic? 


Is this connection going to create more grooves in your ancestral traps or will it pave a new way to create your own personal heaven on earth?. The grooves in our psyche are deep paths that we unconsciously walk every single day, re: your habits, stories and addictions that run the majority of your waking life. Click here for a deep dive into clearing old energies and lovers from your mind, body and spirit. 


Karmic means there is ancestral baggage playing out. Something in your lineage and his lineage that is healing itself through your connection. The universe will play on repeat the patterns of our past, way past, until someone in the line shifts it. You have many ways to journey, here are the two conscious options. 


Option ‘go for it’:  Dive in! Go through it with eyes wide open, feel all the stuff. Anchor forgiveness, return to love and appreciate your ancestors. Once on the other side you make a pact to shift the bloodline karma and fiercely walk forward blazing a new path. This takes a brave soul, willing to feel the ancestral density. One who wishes to use her body and her heart to transmute energy – an alchemist. This is a skill that takes a lot of practice, awareness and discipline. This is a path of the Ancient Priestesses of Isis and the lineage of Mary Magdalene. This path is one of initiation and feeling a whole dang lot! 


Option ‘I’m gonna walk another road’:  Journey slowly and with awareness. Ask a lot of deep questions and find ways of connection that don’t involve tangling the sheets. Keep spaciousness so you don’t lose yourself and make non-negotiable self-care nights to keep you focused on your inner work. Make a firm decision to keep your skirt down and talk openly with him about your process and feeling. Have sisters that will keep you in check, ones that really care about your evolution. Create a new story before you get too deep. Remain aware of the energies wanting to play out and the emotions that come up while around him. If there is any thread of “the energy was just too intense to say no,” it’s most likely a really big lesson for you. If he is truly ‘the one’ he will be patient with you while you create clarity. 


I promise you this –  the slower you enter, the deeper you go. 


If both parties come to consent around sharing play and pleasure with no stories and strings attached that is a beautiful gift too. Make sure you have constant checks with yourself and your fantasies of him wanting to marry you even after he told you point blank “I am focused fully on my work right now and am in no way looking for a relationship” or “I just got out of a very long, deep connection and need some space to return to myself.” 


He will show you everything you need to know immediately. How much are you paying attention? 


No matter what path you choose you will learn amazing lessons and continue on your epic journey through life. I’m only giving you some insight to make it a bit easier and a lot more playful. Once I learned these lessons, it’s my joy to turn around and shine the light on a path you may not have even realized was there. 


Most importantly, remember the choice is yours. You are in control of your emotions and actions and are being pulled by energies and stories that go much deeper than you are at times aware of. If you feel that turn on, amazing, relish in it, dance in it, create from it! Bring your yoni in alignment with your heart and see what the message is there for you. 


To circulate the Shakti (Divine Feminine life force energy aka turn on) through your heart, follow my favorite tips to massage your breasts here.


Reach out if you desire support, we are a tribe and got your back sister. 


All love xxx

Alila Rose Grace, founder and CEO of Mahina Menstrual Cup



  • Samantha St Elk says:

    This has been my journey right now and very potent medicine. I’ve officially told the universe that I’m ready to learn lessons the easy way as of now! I’ve been hearing the call to be celibate but ignoring it even with all this beautiful awareness. How much heart ache and disappointment will one person (myself), put themself through before finally doing something different. I strongly feel the pull to stop the cycle of trauma with me in this lifetime. It feels like the most courageous and loving act that I can do. Equally feeling the resistance but leaning into that also. Thank you, this came at a perfect time!

    • Alila Grace says:

      aho sister! Keep listening to that deep inner wisdom and one day you will just chose to go another way.. and it will be the most LIBERATING decision of your life :). Reach out if you desire some 1:1 support to get there xxx

  • Titiana says:

    Beautifully written, lovely goddess! I can relate to everything here. Your suggestions resonate deeply. How do I subscribe to your posts?

  • @themerakimint says:

    Sister! You’re incredible gift. Thank you for sharing this deep and meaningful vibration with our world💗

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